Another hat tip to Aunt Brenda:

MR. PRESIDENT, I’M HEADED TO MEXICO

David M. Bresnahan
April 1, 2006
NewsWithViews.com

Dear President Bush:

I’m about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,
And I would like to ask you to assist me. I’m going to walk across
the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few
arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the
same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that
I’m on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting
the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won’t make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don’t enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

David M. Bresnahan

Congressman Tom Tancredo, a real patriot and a conservative whom many right thinkers, including yours truly, believe would be a great next President if only he’d run in 2008, has been one of the staunchest fighters on Capital Hill against the criminal alien amnesty proposals that would severely damage this country.

Moving along to yesterday{I’ve been somewhat swamped with work for a new client}, here was his response to the defeat of the amnesty bill.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) today hailed the demise of the Senate’s amnesty deal which was brokered between Democrats and a handful of Republicans, yesterday. Cloture on the Martinez-Hagel pact was defeated in a 39-60 vote this morning.

“Today is a good day for America. The Senate – in a rare moment of clarity – rejected its amnesty-now, enforcement-later approach to immigration,” said Tancredo. “Over the Easter break, I will help inform the Senators’ constituents of what their representatives are doing in Washington. Hopefully, listening to their electorate will chasten these Senators so that they’ll put amnesty away for good.”

Tancredo continued, “No amnesty bill will pass the House of Representatives so long as Republican leadership holds to its promise to block legislation that doesn’t command the support of a GOP majority. Amnesty is a non-starter. If the Senate is serious about sending real security legislation to the President’s desk this year, it must take a different approach.”

Go, Tom!

I’ve been a little behind on my reading due to occupational overflow, so I just now got around to reading this great column by James Lileks that was in Thursday’s JWR online.

Fast, on-point, fun read…

The debate rages furiously on.

Those of us that care deeply about our country and the American people want to see our borders strengthened, criminal aliens sent back where they came from and a hearty “bye-bye” to the amnesty aspirations of a lot of foks who either haven’t the ability to think things through to the consequences of such idiocy or are more concerned with PC political agendas than the wellbeing of our nation.

One of the most appalling things about the entire kerfuffle, in my opinion, has been the response of many schools to friction between students sporting American flags and wearing clothing that demonstrates patriotism and those who wave Mexican flags and proclaim that although they have the privilege of living here, Mexico is their country. These schools have actually forbidden students from bringing American flags on or near school property or wearing anything that might suggest solidarity with America and American principals. Recently, at least one school even prevented its ROTC from flying the American flag on their pole. Perchance some of my fellow Americans, not surprisingly members of the public education community, have forgotten what country they’re in?

But I digress(me? hah!)…

Excuses like “they’ll do the jobs Americans won’t do” just don’t cut it. Speaking for myself, I recently bought a house and needed a variety of jobs done, from carpentry to general labor, and have had no problem acquiring help from legal, born-in-the-USA Americans, in fact the responses to ads I’ve run were overwhelming — a lot of Americans are looking for work, temporary and otherwise, but the proponents of opening wide the floodgates of criminal immigration prefer to either believe or pretend otherwise, or again, could care less as pushing a political agenda {at the expense of the American people} is all that matters to them.

Another argument put forth by the same faction is that if we give them amnesty, making them legally eligible to work here, they will be able to negotiate for better pay, join unions, etc. This is unthought-out malarkey at best, Utopian dreaming at worst.

Why, you ask?

Because, I reply, the reason criminals who employ “undocumented” aliens do so is because they can pay below minimum wage, match no employee payroll taxes, pay no insurance on the employees and extend no benefits. If suddenly these people who, according to law, should not even be in this country were able to ask for reasonable compensation, these same unscrupulous and basically treasonous employers would simply get rid of existing criminal aliens and hire more from a pool of others who have not been documented or cannot get the necessary permission to work in the United States. If they have been breaking the law to date, why should they abruptly start following the law then?

Also, who among them is going to provide any kind of proof to the government that an illegal alien has been illegally in their employ for more than two years or more than five years, in order to help them get this amnesty, unless these same fucking idiots politicians fighting for the decriminalization of illegally entering the country also offer them complete amnesty for their own years of lawbreaking?

C’mon, politicians, get your craniums out of your touchases and think things through. This is not a time to implement a cosmetic solution nor to pander to big business entities that thrive on hiring criminal aliens in order to put a few more pesos in their pockets!

The issue is being talked up at a forum here in North Carolina, my new home, and we are fortunate that my blog friend Mr. Ogre is at the proceedings. A number of speakers there have addressed the immigration issue both factually and to the point, and their contributions to the discussion can be found at Ogre’s Politics & Views.

How ’bout this one, courtesy of another forward from Aunt Brenda?

WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or may be China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.”

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

I recently ran across a blog called The Only Republican In San Francisco that I can only say is a must-read for anyone in search of any kind of comprehension of the leftist political tragedy that is San Francisco.

This is a city whose most conservative politician, upon being elected mayor, made his first priority conducting same sex marriages in defiance of state laws to the contrary. It’s a city in which a liberal, do nothing toilet cake named Chris Daly was reelected as a city supervisor{the equivalent of a councilman in other cities}, where caravans of homeless people push stolen supermarket shopping carts down the sidewalks of main thoroughfares and use the doorways of apartment houses or the very sidewalks as commodes with legal impunity, where respect for this country and its religious traditions doesn’t exist(you don’t even see city Christmas decorations over the streets during the Holiday Season).

The author of this great blog is wrong in only one respect: He has only been the Only Republican in San Francisco for just under 4 months, since I left. Now he’s on his own.

Definitely read his blog.

This in today from Bay Buchanan –

****Please, go to your Senators’ office this Monday, April 3 at noon****

Dear Friends,
While the Senate continues to debate the outrageous ideas of amnesty and
guest worker, calls and e-mails from Americans everywhere are pouring in.
Americans are furious that the Senate is even considering these failed and
dangerous proposals.

We need the Senate to do the right thing by us! We are the people they
are paid to represent! What we want is clear—border security and
enforcement of our laws. In short, we need our Congress to break with
their corporate masters and do their job–and we need them to do it now
before it is too late!

Please, if at all possible go to your local Senators’ offices at noon on
Monday, April 3rd —if that doesn’t work go anytime during the day. The
Senators will be in Washington, but their local staffs will pass on your
message.

Also tell your friends and families about this effort—even make flyers and
pass them out in your neighborhood, send this message around the internet.
Help us get as many Americans as possible to show up at their Senators’
offices on Monday!

And please keep calling them as well—we can’t let them do this to America!

My best,
Bay Buchanan

PS Many of you have said we need to do more—a March on Washington or the
like. I have been talking to many people about it. It would take months
to do it right and I am not certain we have months. We need to get to the
Senators NOW! So in spite of the short notice we are asking you to
organize as many people as possible and go to at least one of your
Senators’ local offices this Monday.

PSS In the meantime I am trying to see if there is time for a massive
demonstration. If there is, I will move ahead if you are with me.

The first thing I saw when I got online to do my start-of-the-day news reading this morning was this bunch of idiocy.

WASHINGTON — Against a backdrop of massive demonstrations by immigration advocates and pressure from the White House, the Senate Judiciary Committee approved legislation to create two guest-worker programs and a plan for legalizing the status of millions of immigrants now in the country illegally.

The measure is the most generous of several immigration proposals before the panel, and passed with the support of committee Democrats and some of the Senate’s most conservative Republicans.

In accepting the measure, which among other things offers guest workers the chance to eventually become U.S. citizens, senators rejected another bill sponsored by two border-state Republicans that would have required guest workers and illegal immigrants to eventually return home.

Now, what is wrong with these idiots we have elected and reelected, and continue to pay to enact the laws that govern this country?

Every day we hear figures citing a criminal alien population from Mexico alone as being somewhere between fifteen and twenty million. That doesn’t even include the large and constant influx of undocumented Asians, South and Central Americans the U.S. Government has incompetently permitted to enter this country and remain here.

Instead of the government taking responsibility for having allowed this fiasco to become the legal and physical quagmire it is, even the President gives us excuse-based, lame explanations for the policies most of our lazy politicians are dead set on foisting upon us:

The bill passed only hours after President Bush made his strongest appeal yet for a law that would provide employers with enough immigrant workers to keep the economy humming. Appearing at a naturalization ceremony for new citizens, Mr. Bush attempted to head off arguments within his party that a border-security law must come before any effort to help immigrants or their employers.

He called a temporary-worker program “vital to securing our border” by providing a legal channel for workers and freeing up border agents to patrol for criminals and terrorists.

Provide employers with enough illegal, undocumented, should-not-even-be-here, criminal immigrant workers? Millions of ‘em? Hey, I might be wrong, here, but doesn’t the law stipulate that employers are supposed to confirm that these folks they hire are eligible to work in this country?

And how about all the folks who come here — illegally — and live off the taxpayer? And how about all those undocumented, untaxed income dollars that are Western Union’d back to family in the old country? You know, that money that could be better served if spent here in the U.S. to keep our economy moving?

That’s pretty much how the system works here, or at least is supposed to work. If taxes are paid by all workers and they reinvest their net pay in the economy by spending it in the United States, American firms of all sizes would have more money to pay employees, and, with the enforcement of employment and immigration laws executed the way they are supposed to be, these employers might feel less compelled to hire criminal aliens under the table, off the books, whatever.

Sounds kind of convoluted, doesn’t it, when you really think about it. First, our politicians, who are forever collectively spending our tax dollars on superfluous projects that the people who founded this nation{Smart bunch, those were, they put together the greatest political concept in history and made it work. Too bad they didn’t have cryogenics back then, we could have used ‘em about now} would have stomped thunderingly down beneath furious size fourteen boots.

Taxation without representation?

How much did that self seeking pillar of politics in Alaska manage to get “earmarked” to rip us off financing construction of the thankfully ill-fated “Bridge to Nowhere”? Even though the bridge allocation got nixed due to a surplus of voter backlash significantly attributeable to the Blogosphere, “the funds”, as they undoubtedly regard our tax dollars to be, remain “earmarked” for the same larcenous local politicians to use for other things, instead. But therein was a single excess of wasted taxes that got caught out, and only because the grand larcens in question were a little too hungry.

If Africa’s population wasn’t as largely Muslim as it is, we could overfeed the entire continent, through decades of famine, disaster and doom with all the pork our Congress generates.

I know, my terrible habit of digressing has joined in…

So. Back on topic, sorry about that.

Not really.
While money has been getting pissed away by irresponsible, self seeking politicians from both sides of the aisle, once-backburnered issues that now constitute an in-your-face political battleground were doing what they do when no one responds to them: growing.

Now a whole bunch of career politicians who know exactly why we have the problem — decades of their keeping the problem as far away from the table as possible, for reasons related to votes — they failed to adequately secure our borders or to seriously enforce immigration policies, which, as a collective resume item, well…

Now the usual politics will come into play. Instead of overwhelmingly voting to take strong, positive steps that might be a little painful at first(you know, re-”earmarking” the money that was to finance the preservation of some anti-American graffiti in a small southwestern town, or to subsidize private educational institutions that balk at allowing military recruiters on campus), transforming our pork pesos into border securidad, the career politicians on the Hill will attempt to apply a Band-Aid to a gushing wound so as not to offend anybody who might vote for them.

Here’s the kind of thinking these knuckleheads do on our behalf, in exchange for our allowing them to occupy all the trappings of a ruling class on our dime:

The Senate-passed measure is largely based on language offered by John McCain, an Arizona Republican, and Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat. Their temporary-worker plan, passed on an 11-6 vote, would grant visas to 400,000 immigrants a year initially. They would be able to bargain for wages, change jobs, unionize and would be allowed to travel home and return.

Separately, the committee passed a pilot guest-worker plan for agriculture workers that would be capped at 1.5 million workers and cut off after five years. That measure was passed at the insistence of California Democrat Dianne Feinstein, who said she feared that workers admitted under a general guest-worker program would spurn farm jobs for easier work in service or construction industries.

The committee also deferred to the McCain-Kennedy bill in its plan for dealing with an estimated 11 million illegal immigrants now in the country. Those people would have to pay a $1,000 penalty, pass a background check and get a work permit in order to stay in the U.S.

The political solution will only hurt us, big time. We are on the verge of setting a precedent by shoving federal law aside in order to accommodate political convenience, and in so doing make light of all laws. If politicians can advocate breaking the law because it makes finding solutions easier, they’re definitely operating outside the boundaries of public service as we define it.

The political solution will also send a message to all potential illegals to “Come one, Come all!”, and we’ll be swamped by a wave of “immigration” that’ll be nothing nice. If our borders aren’t secure now, how will we be able to secure them then?

If that’s the kind of vim we’re getting for our vote, we’d do a whole lot better finding some people who graduated with Jethro Bodine and replacing both the House and the Senate with them.

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying “Hello.” I politely said, “This is Chris. Could Iplease speak with Robyn Carter?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f**in number!” and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “asshole calling” would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of day’s later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

“Yes, it is”, he said.

“Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.

“Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“My name is Don Hansen,” he said.

“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

“I’m home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Don, you’re an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. “Hello.”

“You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I said.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Don Hansen.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”

He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,” and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.
“Hello?” he said.

“Hello, asshole,” I said.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”

“You’ll what?” I said.

“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.

I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works.

We talk about illegal criminal aliens all the time, about the impact they have on our economy and about the threats posed by their very entry into and presence in the United States.

Despite the penchant the left has for ignoring our laws regarding criminal immigration, supporting any influx of illegal aliens without checks, balances or compunction of any kind, this is a serious issue, and one explored in a way that puts it in brilliant perspective at Ravings Of A Mad Tech.