This one came in an email today.

It is a slow day in the small South Dakota town of Pump-Handle and streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt and living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs
to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the
traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything…

However, the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a “stimulus package” works.

(LOL)

Hat Tip: Ric

From the Washington Times

Mockery and scorn for New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s bid to ban big sodas came swiftly, and now conservatives are pouring it on: Freshman Sen. Ted Cruz proposed a “Big Gulp Amendment” Friday to prohibit the federal government from following Mr. Bloomberg’s lead.

senate-bill-opposing-limits-soda-size-article-1.1296427” target=”_blank”>The Daily News reported that the Texas lawmaker and tea party favorite submitted the resolution as part of the Senate’s debate over a new budget, and calls for “prohibiting federal regulation of food and beverage size and quantity.”

The legislature is largely symbolic. Even if it was passed by a Democrat controlled Senate, it would not be binding on federal agencies. The federal government has no plans for such restrictions.

Mr. Cruz’s resolution is the latest in a string of recent public excoriations from conservatives of Mr. Bloomberg’s attempted ban, which was invalidated earlier this month by a state judge.

Mississippi Republican Gov. Phil Bryant signed into law on Monday an “anti-Bloomberg” measure that prohibits local governments from banning supersize sugary drinks.

And former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin used a 44-oz. Super Big Gulp drink from a 7-11 convenience store as a prop during her speech Saturday at the Conservative Political Action Conference to chide Mr. Bloomberg, to much fanfare.

I still cannot figure out how Nanny Bloomberg managed to be reelected to a previously illegal third term. While we don’t vote in NYC elections where I live (Long Island), I know a lot of people who live in the Five Boroughs and none of them voted for him after his first term, as nobody in their right mind wants a politician in charge who feel’s it’s his job to micromanage what they can eat and drink and what size portions they can have, how much salt they can use or what a restaurant can and can’t serve them.

Pretty soon he’ll be issuing edicts on what colors you can paint your children’s bedrooms and how many hours per week you are permitted to watch television.

I hope he continues to be parodied right up to the day he finally leaves office, that clown in mayor’s clothing….

This is just too funny, and is called Obama’s Rules for Nonviolently Stopping Rape and Murder.

Enjoy.

This one by Mark Steyn is just too funny….

A few weeks ago, Ann Coulter announced that she was bored of American politics and spending her days watching Turner Classic Movies. I confess that, when it comes to Beltway melodrama, I too am fighting vainly the old ennui, and minded to plump up the pillows and settle back with a bucket of bonbons and a beribboned Shih-tzu for an all-night Norma Shearer marathon.

At least, unlike Washington, there’s a chance you may catch something you haven’t already seen a hundred times before. For example, I’ve a yen to see “Roberta” (RKO, 1935), in which Irene Dunne sings:

“Yesterdays

Yesterdays

Days I knew as happy sweet sequester’d days …”

I believe that was the last known use of this blameless and mellifluous word until it was conscripted by the political class for this month’s dreary Mayan Apocalypse of the Month thrill ride. Say what you like about those Mayan guys, but they only schedule an apocalypse once every 5,126 years. Only Washington would try to pull it off every six weeks.

If I understand correctly, by the time you read this, the planes will be dropping from the skies; the drip-feeds in every emergency room will be dry; every creature on the endangered species list will have broken free from our pristine federally manned national parks to be left for roadkill in the potholed asphalt of America’s crumbling interstates; you’ll turn on your bathroom faucet only to find the town reservoir choked with fecal coliform; the ebola virus will be rampant across Ohio, Florida, New Hampshire, and other swing states, where it will nevertheless enjoy higher approval ratings than Mario Rubio and every other prospective GOP nominee.

LOL…Read the entire column here.

It should be quite clear by now that the Wolf household is a very Second Amendment household. Our two sons knew how to shoot (accurately) both a variety of rifles and several handguns very early on, and before either was allowed to handle his first firearm, he was well versed in firearm safety.

That said, I couldn’t resist posting this one:

If this isn’t the best rejoinder ever, it has to rank among the top two or three. Talk about a conversation stopper.

For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an ‘Australian treasure!’

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

LOL!

Another H/T to Ric…

I love this one, Jay Leno’s take on the Biden/Ryan debate.

The part about the Crest infomercial is classic, LOL.

I just read the latest Ann Coulter, and it’s a hoot (as usual)!

A Michigan legislator, Lisa Brown, gave a speech in the statehouse last week that would have made her right at home in a women’s studies course at a local community college, but a wacko in a group of actual legislators.

She commented on a pending abortion bill by first announcing that she was Jewish, kept kosher, described her various sets of plates, and then saying that Jewish law makes abortion mandatory to save the life of the mother.

This had absolutely nothing to do with the bill being considered, but it may explain why there are no Jewish Tim Tebows.

Then she said: “I have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs. Why are you asking me to adopt yours?”

Her smashing crescendo was: “And finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but ‘no’ means ‘no’!”

It’s not clear where Rep. Brown got the idea that the Republican caucus was planning on date-raping her, but I think there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. The bill under consideration merely ensured the safety of women having abortions — and, in a small way, the safety of the fetus, whom the U.S. Supreme Court has prohibited legislatures from protecting directly.

SNIP!

I have not polled all the Republicans in the Michigan statehouse yet, but the ones I’ve spoken to assure me that Rep. Brown’s vagina played a very small role in their deliberations. It’s odd that she seems to think she’s the object of so much Republican male fantasy.

Why must a certain type of woman always start shouting about her vagina whenever the topic of abortion comes up?

Do what you want with your vagina. Pro-lifers just want to stop babies from being killed. It would be as though a slaveholder complained that Republicans wanted to regulate his anus by abolishing slavery and taking away his right to crap on his slaves.

For making inappropriate remarks during a legislative session, Brown was prohibited from making floor speeches for one day. Being an hysterical drama queen who believes the Michigan Legislature was thinking about her and her vagina, Rep. Brown responded to the sanction by claiming she had been “silenced.” A vulgarian gets a one-day penalty, and suddenly she’s Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Ann Coulter’s point blank delivery is hell bent on getting coffee all over readers’ keyboards. The manufacturers of same should be sending her a regular stipend for all the replacement keyboards they must sell wholly thanks to her columns.

The entire column is here.

LOL!!!!

This one’s absolutely spot-on, a video “pitting” the legendary 1970s TV character Archie Bunker against President B. Hussein Obama, socialist at large.

The narrative at the link is self explanatory, watching the three minute plus video is a must.

Enjoy as Archie “smacks down” Barack

Ah, the pleasure of being the custodian of Seth’s email.

This one arrived in a non-politics-oriented inbox and is pretty funny, though also more than a little accurate.

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash………Twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3… Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

When all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Cudos to a friend of Seth’s named Alan.

It came in an email, and I thought, “If liberal academics can revise history to their liking, why can’t conservatives?”

World History

Subject: For those that don’t know a lot about history…Here is a condensed version..

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth; the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc, with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.

Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

A Major Hat Tip to Brenda!