June 2, 2007

I Just…

have to share this one.

Three Clergymen and a Bear

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Montana in Missoula. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later they’re all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first: “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory, he claimed, “WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising The Lord.”

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

H/T Shana

by @ 1:10 am. Filed under Humor
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11 Responses to “I Just…”

  1. BB-Idaho Says:

    Heh, so bears and religion don’t mix! I blame it on the bears. My neighbor, a hedonist bachelor sportsman, took his young nephew up into the foothills of the Bitteroots last Fall. He shot a black bear which he wounded. The bear plunged down into a brushy ravine. He instructed the kid to move down the canyon while he entered the ravine from the top. The brush was very thick. He stumbled upon the hidden bear which jumped him and knocked his rifle away. He escape down through the brushy draw with the creature in hot pursuit, shouting all the while, “Shoot the thing! Shoot it!” The kid took one look as they burst into the open, then took off running. “Shoot the bear” shortly turned into “Gimmee the gun!” I was admiring his new bearskin rug as he ended his story with, “From now on, I’m just taking the dog..” I gotta go tell the neighbor the three clergy & the bear story now. :)

  2. Gayle Says:

    I loved this one too and posted it awhile back. It’s too good not to share! :)

  3. Seth Says:

    BB –

    Sounds like your neighbors definitely pulled the rug out from around (minor preposition alteration, there) that bear, with a little fun thrown in to boot (well, it would have been fun for me in much younger times, a great adrenalin buzz). :-)

    I suspect memories of the experience should bring even more appreciation for the joke.

    Gayle –

    Sorry I missed it then, I would have had to link it. I only wish my grandmother were still around, she would have really appreciated it as well. :-)

  4. Shoprat Says:

    I saw it when Gayle posted it and nearly had to be taken to the ER I was laughing so hard.

  5. Seth Says:

    Shoprat –

    I know the feeling well, my keyboard just missed sharing my morning coffee with me as I turned my head just in time.

  6. Angel Says:

    LMBO!..go Rabbi!..lol

  7. Seth Says:

    Angel –

    I can picture Rabbi Spar, the Rabbi who bar mitzvah’d me, charging at the bear, moil in tow, LOL. Even nearly 40 years later I recall his sermons, full of charisma and great wit. :-)

  8. Ken Taylor Says:

    Great and funny! Thanks for the posting my friend!

  9. Seth Says:

    Ken –

    Glad you enjoyed it. :-)

    I got quite a lot of paroxismal(?) laughter out of it, as well.

  10. The Gray Monk Says:

    I’ve known a couple of Rabbi’s who would definitely have given the bear a good going over. Good friends to me who certainly knew their stuff.

  11. Seth Says:

    Grey Monk –

    LOL, me, too. :-)

    Two in N.Y. and two in L.A.